Mommies Coffee Break

I recently watched a clip on the Today Show where a small group of moms were asked their opinions about spanking.  Of course, there were a variety of answers to the question “Is spanking right or wrong?”

Ultimately – it’s about what GOD says.

The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]? Jeremiah 17:9 (Amplified)

I think the correct question should be: Is there a need for spanking?

WHOEVER LOVES instruction and correction loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is like a brute beast, stupid and indiscriminating. Proverbs 12:1 (Amplified)

I grew up in a house with pretty strict discipline.  However, I think I was probably only spanked about a dozen times in my life (that I can remember anyways).

Spanking was a disciplinary action in which my parents would confront me about something I had done, ask me to talk about what I had done and then I would be sent to my room to wait.  My dad would come in after a few minutes, talk to me again about what I had done, essentially asking me to decide whether or not I had made a wrong choice and whether or not my behavior warranted discipline, and he would swat my butt a few times.

My parents have said that the time between sending me to my room and actually spanking me allowed them the opportunity to avoid reaction and initiate response.

Of course spankings hurt.  But my heart hurt more because I understood the need for the disciplinary action.  I grasped the concept of consequences and injury to my relationship with my parents.  They didn’t “guilt” me to make me feel bad as a person.  They were teaching me that my defiance toward a stated rule or guideline in our home (and eventually in life) would bring harm to me much greater than any spanking they could administer.

The Difference

There is a difference between spanking for disciplinary measure and hitting a child out of anger (abuse).  HITTING a child in an angry reaction because he or she has “pushed my buttons” is NEVER a proper response for a parent.  Learning the difference between reaction and response is the key.

Reaction can be inconsistent, immediate and based on emotion.

Response is thoughtful and measured and employs greater skills and self-discipline.

Spanking is a means of correction – of discipline with corrective instruction.  It is not a license for abuse or misuse of authority, or retribution for behavior that may simply cause embarrassment to a parent.

As a child, I learned quickly that making the right choices and staying within the guidelines set by those in authority over me,  meant I avoided any kind of discipline.

Spankings were not the only means of discipline in our house.  We lost privileges – such as TV watching, Phone calls, or in my case Reading other than homework (which in my case was the WORST possible suffering you can imagine).  We were grounded and restricted from going out with friends and doing things that we enjoyed.  Losing a privilege was pretty serious and impacted me in ways that meant something.

Practical Application

As a parent, I also must learn to discipline (as opposed to PUNISH) my children when they disobey – defiantly and intentionally.  Spankings cannot be – and should not be – my only means of discipline.

But when used as a disciplinary tool – as ONE disciplinary tool – in the arsenal of training and guiding our children, it can be effective.  I think the problem is when we let “society” in general tell us that everything we know in Scripture to be true is “off based” or wrong.

What if some did not believe and were without faith? Does their lack of faith and their faithlessness nullify and make ineffective and void the faithfulness of God and His fidelity [to His Word]?  By no means! Let God be found true though every human being is false and a liar, as it is written, That You may be justified and shown to be upright in what You say, and prevail when You are judged [by sinful men]. Romans 3 : 3-4 (Amplified)

Let me just say here and now – I have by NO MEANS mastered discipline – either with my children or in my own life.  I long for the day when I will be perfected in Him, so that discipline in my own life will be another tool to help guide my children in theirs.

It is hard. I have a child who – much like me – challenges authority.  She is not simply defiant – she is very curious and wants an understanding of rules and guidelines.  She wants to make good choices and do the right thing, but she wants to understand the meaning behind it.

I get frustrated by her questioning, and at the same time, I am learning to set aside my frustration in order to teach her that not all “rules” make sense or require understanding – but they do require compliance.

I don’t want her to burn her hand on the stove, so I forbid her to play with it.  Do I tell her 25 times to leave the hot burner alone?  Is that effective?  Do I allow her to get a little too close and suffer the consequences?  Is that effective?

There is balance here.  There is necessary study on my part – necessary practice on my part – in order to teach my child not only to obey rules and regulations for what they are, but to impart a willing and obedient spirit to the Lord.  THAT should be the ULTIMATE goal of any disciplinary action.  Adopting that attitude on my part, changes my perspective on discipline and projects the end goal of my parenting mission:  To guide my child into a heart for God.

What do you say?

What are your means and methods of discipline?  What is your belief about spanking?  Feel free to leave your comments below.  I look forward to our discussion.

© 2010, Debbie Taylor. All rights reserved.