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Wifey Wednesday: Tough Love
By CoffeeMom | October 28, 2009
Are you familiar with the term “Tough Love.” Wikipedia defines Tough Love as:
an expression used when someone treats another person harshly or sternly with the intent to help them in the long run.
Like having your kids clean up after themselves, pay for their own overdue library books, and turning in half-finished homework because they weren’t committed to it. Telling a friend that in fact, “that dress does NOT look great on you” even though she loves it because she’s asked you to be honest with her.
But I think it’s more than that. I think Tough Love is the kind of love that Christ lived out on earth. Tough love is the dying-to-self kind of love. Nobody wants to automatically die to themselves – and in this day and age, it’s even preached from pulpits that you “have to take care of yourself” if you take care of others.
But Scripture doesn’t ever say “Take care of yourself.” Scripture never says, “Give yourself the time you need to refresh and revitalize yourself. Go get a manicure and spend a day at a spa pampering yourself so you can have the right attitude in taking care of your family.”
Instead, God tells us in Matthew 11:28 -
Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will ease and relieve and refresh your souls.] (Amplified)
I’m not saying that we should feel guilty when we have the opportunity to enjoy a nice manicure or haircut or even a day at the spa – the problem is when we come to expect it in exchange for the work we do for our family. (And I’ll just be honest and admit I’m one of those who tend to “expect” it when I’m feeling tired and weary at home.)
The truth is, in life – and especially in marriage – as a wife, I am called to lay down my life for my husband. That handsome fella who still manages to make my stomach flip with a smile, who fathered my 2 beautiful daughters, who works hard to take care of us.
And who leaves his dirty socks on the living room floor and his dirty cups on the end table. sigh.
The truth is, I let those little tiny things irritate me and fester in my spirit – but that’s because I’m thinking about MYSELF. As I’m learning more and more through reading Lies Women Believe – and the Truth that sets them Free, by Nancy Leigh Demoss, I’m being confronted more and more by my own selfish agenda, and my own error in judgment and flat-out SIN in my life – and learning to trade the truth for the enemy’s lies.
Submission – not so much my “thing.” But it is my calling.
And it requires Tough Love.
Not really tough for anyone but me.
It won’t be tough forever. God has already shown in my life - more times than I can count - that when I submit my will to HIS ~ even if it pains me ~ the blessings far outweigh the imagined humiliation or embarrassment.
I am constantly challenged in myself to love more outwardly, and focus less inwardly. That IS Christ’s example. That was HIS life on this earth – lived out – even unto the cross.
So if picking up dirty socks from the floor initially gripes me (and it does far too often), it’s because of my lack of love. But I can love my husband by picking up after him, and I can love God by doing this work FOR Him.
Therein lies the key to tough love.
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