OK, so I thought this would be a good discussion topic…especially since I am and have been dealing with it as a Mom!
Telling the Truth v/s Lying to Stay out of Trouble
Let me share a little bit about how I feel about truth/lie. I grew up with a Mother who lied about everything. It cam so naturally to her…I am not even certain of many childhood memories. I only hold onto what I KNOW happened in my life. This may seem simple..However, it is NOT. Growing up this way was extremely confusing and made it hard to really trust.
Fast forward to adult hood. I am a woman who is very honest…painfully so at times. I mean if you are my friend and you ask me something, I will tell you the truth and I expect no less from others. I am EXTREMELY intolerant of lying. So much so that I refuse to associate with those who lie and find it hard to move on past lies that are told. All lies. Period.
AS a Mom my children can be certain that I will always…ALWAYS tell them the truth. Even little things…like YES, the shot WILL hurt…but you will survive! LOL! Now, my teenager both loves and hates this quality about me…mostly because with it I can sometimes be harsh…even though I do not mean to be.
She also understands that it is the one behavior that Mom will NOT tolerate. I can deal with childish behavior…spilled drinks…carelessness…I mean that is al apart of being a child and learning. However, lying is a HUGE no no in our home.
OK, so you get how I feel about lying. LOL!
NOW, you would think that my children would be honest with all that I have tried t instill in them…and please understand I do it in a kind way. One of my lines is…who do you want to follow? The father of lies (the devil) or the God of Truth (Daddy God)? I tell them that when we lie, we are giving into the temptation of the enemy and he is nothing but lies. Truth is always best NO MATTER WHAT!
Recently, our teenager lied. I mean it was a dumb lie and to me not worth the effort. LOL! Here is what happened…
My husband bought an oral medicine applicator for the baby…to make it easier for me to give her oral meds. He loved it and talked about how cool it was on our way back home from my hospital stay…LOL…yeah, I know…
Anyway, it was pretty cool. Two days later it is missing. I asked my teenager. She said she did not know with that only a Mom can love blank look on her face. I KNEW she was lying. However, I did not call her on it. You see, I want HER to come clean on her own…she is getting older. She needs her own moral compass.
So, instead, I told her she needs to find it before she can go to bed. After 20 minutes of “looking” for it, she came to me and told me she lied. She did know where it was…she broke it.
I told her that I was not happy that she goofed off and broke it, but that what I was really unhappy about was that she lied about it. I mean it’s not like she would have gotten in trouble…
So her consequence was that she had to buy another one with her own money and look up 10 Scriptures that talk about the negativity if lying and 10 about why truth is best.
Now, my question is…
HOW do we teach our kids to have integrity and be honest people? I always thought living by example. She is not a chronic liar…LOL…However she does lie on a weekly basis at least once…normally for DUMB stuff!
What are your thoughts on honesty? Would you rather lie that deal with telling the truth? Do you lie in front of your kids? DO you lie to your kids? Share your thoughts on the matter…
Looking forward to a healthy discussion,
© 2007 – 2010, Lara. All rights reserved.
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What are your thoughts on honesty?
I think honesty is a VERY important characteristic in a person. I would much rather have someone be honest about something that may be hard than lie about something just to make me feel good. You can not put trust in anyway if they lie to you.
Would you rather lie that deal with telling the truth?
no I would definitly rather tell the truth. If I know something is going to hurt someone I always pray and make sure that God wants me to be the one to tell somone the truth in a situation. ONLY because sometimes it will nto be recieved at certain times. So he has had me wait to tell someone something until they were ready to recieve. Until that point I just didn’t talk about it because I was not going to involve myself in a lie.
Do you lie in front of your kids? DO you lie to your kids?
No and No. I mean I have in the past about Santa but my husband and I talked about it and because I felt like I was lieing to our children we decided to tell them last year that Santa was not real. I can not tell you the burden it lifted off of my shoulders. I mean I grew up not believing in santa either and I never missed out on anything. I want my children to understand the real meaning of christmas.
Share your thoughts on the matter…
Honesty is something that in our culture is not being taught today. People try to use lying for getting ahead in business, or trying to show someone else up. I think honesty has become a lost characteristic today even in Christians. I am trying to teach my children, like you, that lying is not right.
I think you did great wanting her to come to you and admit to her lie. Those are the teachable moments that end up being worth it all.
I DETEST lying… mostly ecause my ex husband lied about so many things when we were married. Also, now that I am grown, I have discovered that my mom and grandmom lied to me about MANY things while I was growing up. I have no trust of people who I know lied to me and I hope that I am teaching my children NOT to lie – it is a HUGE NO NO in our house too.
What are your thoughts on honesty?
I pride myself on being honest and it really hurts when people lie to me. I get a knot in my stomach when I know people are lying – like I just want to pinch them or something…lol. It really is irritating to me and I get so angry!
Would you rather lie than deal with the truth?
I think as children, we have all wanted to do this – and most of us have acted on this as well. I will not say that I have never lied… that would be a lie. However, now that I know how hurtful lying is and how evil it is as well, I do not do it. It is tempting at times, but that temptation is from the devil and I cannot take part in it.
Do you lie in front of your kids? Do you lie to your kids?
No and No! Mine still do beleive in Santa, but I did not think I was lying to them. I guess it is hard for me since I always grew up believing and did not know any different. Maybe that is an area I (and my husband) need to pray about.
I think it is great to teach your kids to think about their actions and let God speak to their hearts – rather than BUSTING them when you catch them. When they can learn to listen to God and know when they have done wrong, they will be able to learn so many more lessons that God has instore for them.
Lying is not tolerated in our house either. My kids know that they will sometimes not get in trouble at all for things, but if they lie, they will ALWAYS be busted.
My not-so-best friend anymore has three kids that are sneaky. My kids grew up watching this and my dislike for sneakiness. I equate lying with sneaking and I DETEST COMPLETELY sneaky people.
Now I am not brutally honest. But I am very thankful that I am and always have been a horrible liar. It was annoying growing up, but now I wear it proudly and hope that I have passed it on to my kids. I know that my daughter (12) is sometimes more honest with her friends than they want. I try to tell her she can rephrase certain things to soften the blow, but I can’t help but giggle. You can tell they weren’t prepared to be put in their place with the truth.
Val that is wonderful that she is honest. I belive that if your heart is right and you speak the truth in love then regardless of how mad you may make the person at the time they will usually get over it and keep you as a friend because they know you will at least be honest with them.